my recount

Kia ora

Here is the recount I wrote  for an Asttle writing test in Week 4.  Our teacher marked all our recounts and gave us our scores. Mine came out at Level 3b  which is at the end of year standard for Year Five. I got the best marks for structure and sentences and the worst marks for ideas, vocabulary and spelling.  

Then we helped each other improve them by reading each other’s recount and talking about them. We also used Revision Assistant to help edit each other’s story and Mrs B added some notes as well. Everyone in our room likes Revision Assistant because it’s easy to understand the marks/ notes that it puts on your writing and so it’s quick for us to go and do the fix-ups. We have to have practically perfect grammar, punctuation and spelling in our stories before we are allowed to publish them here. I hope someone will give me some feedback.

Ka kite ano

here is my story...

“Yay!” I yelled. We were  going to the Northland v Canterbury game in Whangarei.

“Off we go!” said my dad as the car goes 100 km an hour down the road.

One hour later, “Wake up, Lukas, we are here!” my mum yelled. I wake up as quick as  flash.

We got to our seats in the grandstand. The whistle blows. The game is underway.  Boom! Peter Brean breaks the line of defence and scores a try. Everyone cheers.  But then the Canterbury team make a comeback and Northland's defence is not good enough. So, Canterbury scored three times in the first half and in the second half.  A Northland player got a yellow card  and  everyone  went Boooooo!!!!! to the coach.  In the end, Canterbury won.

We drove home disappointed in our team but you can’t win every game.  Once we got home we had dinner and fell asleep. It wasn't Northlands day.  It was alright though because I had  a good time there.